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My Own Life Story

My name is Evyan Donch.

I am second oldest of a family of 4 girls born in California USA.

It wasn't easy growing up in our family so beginning at about 12 or 13 I began trying to control what I couldn't in the home with controlling food. And at the age of 17 I started using alcohol and substances to escape and "feel better." I remember the first time I drank I felt a great sensation of "I don't care" because I always felt "I cared too much" which created bouts of anxiety and sadness which came in droves. (Sound familiar yet?)

After that first experimentation with alcohol and drugs, I "experimented" with all sorts of others self-harming behaviours. 

In 1999 I decided I might try changing where I lived because I thought all maybe that was the problem. 

But it wasn't; I was!

I arrived in Naples Italy full of denial, naïveté and alcohol. I stumbled off the plane and into years of more fear, confusion and I honestly thought I was in purgatory for all the "bad things" I had done in my life.

I moved to Rome Italy in 1996, continued using whatever I could find to numb my feelings and finally found a way into recovery in 1999.

I do not wish addiction on anyone. I know for a fact I never chose to be addicted to alcohol or drugs. I never chose to hurt myself in ways I still have a hard time believing I ever did: unfortunately I have the scars to prove it - physically and mentally.

But I am still here. Still alive and more than anything else:

I am happy. I am healthy. I am strong. And I love to help others arrive here as well.

And I am sorry that you have had to arrive here as well.

From my own experience arriving on a website like mine is not an easy choice. Im sure it has barely been a choice, because desperation is not a choice. It is a must. A longing for something better, but not knowing if "better" is possible. 

So I want to congratulate you for your courage and at the same time tell you that I am sorry for what you have gone through or have been going through that has lead you here. I want to tell you: You don't deserve the pain that has brought you here, It is not your fault. And I am so sorry. I am sure that you never expected to have to reach out, or to find yourself in this situation, needing help, wanting hope, desperate to be heard and understood. 

Or maybe, you are here because your loved one, a child, young adult, husband, wife, sister, brother, close friend needs support. 

Maybe a little support while studying at school in Rome or maybe a lot of support such as an intervention to help them get into some kind of better situation such as a treatment center or therapy.

Whatever reason brought you here, I want you to know, you are no longer alone.

I am here to help.



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